Haagen-Dasz Tiramisu Gelato

Brand: Häagen-Dasz
Style: Tiramisu Gelato
Origin: United States
Type: Ice Cream
Flavor: Coffee ice cream with chocolate ladyfinger pieces
Verdict: Approved, barely


SO...sugar is one of those things that I still can't have a lot of, but every once in awhile, I just want some damn sugar, so the other day I bought myself one of those teeny-tiny one-serving Häagen-Dasz gelatos.  One serving for most people is about five for me when it comes to sweets, which I still haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  I suppose it makes me a cheap date, so there's that.  

One type of dessert that I absolutely LOVE and miss terribly is tiramisu, so what better substitute than TIRAMISU GELATO?!?! RIGHT?!?!  I was hoping so, but unfortunately, this is not quite exactly what I remember tiramisu tasting like.  It might just be that I really love the flavor of rum when it comes to tiramisu, but some of the best I've had left me feeling a little buzzed.  That rum flavor is slightly present, but the gelato part really tastes more like a slightly caramelized coffee cream flavor rather than a full-on tiramisu taste.  The ladyfingers are chocolate rather than the traditional vanilla flavor, and it does add a different dimension to this.  Eating one of the chunks alone kind of tastes like eating a soggy piece of Hostess Cupcake off the floor of a convenience store, but somehow eating it with the gelato pulls it all together.  It adds a nice, sugary finish to the flavor, with only a small note of gas station floor.  You can't win them all!

Overall, I probably wouldn't waste my precious sugar resources on this again.  It generally just reminded me of what I can't have (real tiramisu) and made me kind of sad.  I would much rather have one of their more simple flavors, like strawberry, that are actually delicious, than something like this.  Hesitatingly approved.

Purchased at Fred Meyer in Portland, OR 

Lay's Smoked Gouda and Chives

Brand: Lay's
Style: Smoked Gouda and Chives
Origin: United States
Type: Potato Chips
Flavor: Like Cheddar and Sour Cream and Sour Cream and Onion had a baby
Verdict: Approved, I guess




These chips are actually what finally inspired me to start this blog back up again!  Currently, Lay's is running a contest where they pit new and old chip flavors against each other.  People taste the new and the old, then vote on the website for the one they like better.  There are four different flavors - 2 spicy ones (not gonna touch these), 2 BBQ (Honey BBQ vs. Korean BBQ), 2 Kettle Cooked (Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper vs. Olive Oil & Herbs), and 2 cheese flavors (Cheddar & Sour Cream vs. Smoked Gouda and Chives).  I thought it would be great to do one of these Lay's challenges to jump back in the snack game!  I tried some of the summer contest flavors back in August (Biscuits and Gravy, Reuben, and Gyros) and was somewhat underwhelmed, but I picked up this bag of Smoked Gouda & Chives, hoping that these guys would live up to the really, really delicious sounding name.  The ones I *actually* wanted to try were the Korean BBQ, but sadly, they seem to be sold out everywhere in my area.

Anyhoodles...on to the chips!  They're...ok.  Pretty underwhelming, really.  It's not that they taste *bad*, per se.  It's just that there's nothing exceptional or different about them.  They taste about 30% Cheddar and Sour Cream (which they are positioned to replace, if they win the contest) and 70% Sour Cream and Onion.  If the contest were to vote on these vs. Sour Cream and Onion, I would definitely say these are the superior chip, but I think Cheddar and Sour Cream is actually a better option than these.  Also, despite the fact that these are supposedly smoked gouda, there is very little smoky taste to them, and they aren't particularly gouda-y either.  They just taste like any other generic cheese-flavored snack, except with an onion finish.

All in all, these are a pretty big WOMP-WOMP if you are expecting some bold new flavor.  Lay's, step up your game!  Stop making such weenie, boring chips!  To be honest, after how bored I've been with all of these new flavors, I think I might stop buying Lay's chips altogether.  There are so many other, more exciting brands to choose from.  What are y'all's favorites?
Purchased at Fred Meyer in Portland, OR 

7 Select Buffalo Chicken Dip Chips

Brand: 7 Select (7-11)
Style: Buffalo Chicken Dip
Origin: United States
Type: Wavy Potato Chips
Flavor: Mildly Spicy with a definite buffalo wing taste
Verdict: Approved!



My partner and I were out doing the very exciting task of shopping for a new vacuum cleaner when they declared they wanted to stop somewhere to grab a quick to-go drink.  We were two blocks from a 7-11, so we pulled in and I went inside with them in search of a new snack.  Now that I have a small ability to eat snacks, I have to take advantage of it whenever possible!

I've probably mentioned this before, but despite the fact that I don't really eat meat, I love a good meat-flavored chip.  (But not Cajun Squirrel...never again!)  These were the also the only interesting flavor available at this particular 7-11, so I grabbed this bag of Buffalo Chicken Dip chips.  I'm actually not quite sure what buffalo chicken dip is, but I like buffalo sauce, and these chips definitely do that flavor justice.  They are mildly spicy, but have that good sweet yet tangy vinegar undercurrent that makes buffalo sauce so good.  Somewhere in there, I believe there's a tiny hint of celery and cheese, although I might have made that up based on the picture on the bag putting suggestive thoughts into my brain.  Either way, it's good eats.

The only potential downside is that they are definitely mild, so if you are into the kind of snacks that melt your tongue out of your mouth like some kind of disgusting flesh volcano, you might be better off with something else.  For comparison sake, my sweetie was eating some Flamin' Hot Funyuns, so I had one of those as I was munching on these buffalo chips.  The Funyuns were not spicy on first crunch, but had a ton of heat on the end...the buffalo chips are just a steady spice all the way through.  I ate most of the bag all at once and didn't get sweaty or sad, and I'm a spice wiener.

I'm so happy to be back!  *all the happy tears*

Purchased at 7-11 in Portland, OR 

I'm BAAAAAAAACK!!

You may or may not have noticed that I haven't posted since 2010.  The extremely sad reason behind this is that my health started declining significantly in 2010, and I found out that I was sensitive to gluten, sugar, potatoes, and soy :(  NO MORE SNACKS!!  :(

However, I've been working with many, many competent doctors to figure out why this came up all of a sudden, and I've gotten my health back to the point where I can eat some snacks sometimes!  I've been so sad to not be able to blog for so long, so it is with great, great joy and happiness that I say I'm BACK!

Please let me know what snacks you would like me to test...the only thing I have to 100% avoid is soy.  You can email me at snackmastereatssnacks@gmail.com if you would like to chat further about snacks! :)

I love you all, snackiefriends!!! <3

Also, there might be some videos in the works.......!

Tastycake Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes

Brand: Tastykake
Style: Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes
Origin: United States
Type: Snack Cakes
Flavor: Bland angel food cake with a sugary chocolate kick in the behind and a peanut buttery finish
Verdict: Approved!

"Any food with a purposefully misspelled name has to be good," I said to my coworker in the breakroom the other day when presented with an infamous east coast goody by the name of Tastykake.  I had the Peanut Butter Kandy Kake variety, and I'll have to say, all of those excessive K's were definitely brought out in the taste of this sugar-laden treat.  As I type this review, I still have the aftertaste of chemical-laden peanut butter in the back of my throat and my leg won't stop shaking from the sugar rush.  Good stuff!

When I first took a look at the package, I was imaging something similar to a Tagalong (of Girl Scout cookie fame).  However, the taste turned out to be completely different than what I expected.  The cake is a nearly tasteless, fluffy, dry angel food cake, not a white or yellow cake like a Hostess treat.  The chocolate is good, strong and sweet, and the thin layer of peanut butter adds a delicious extra dimension to the flavor. 

Now I'm definitely curious to try some other varieties of Tastykake brand sweets, so I'll definitely be getting some on my next trip east.  I'm not usually into sweets as much as I am salty snacks, but if I saw these in the store and needed a quick junk-food sugar rush, I'd grab one of these.

Purchased somewhere in New Jersey

Lay's India's Magic Masala Chips

Brand: Frito Lay
Style: India's Magic Masala
Origin: India
Type: Potato chips
Flavor: Indian sweet and spicy with a kick
Verdict: Approved!





Ah, how I love friends from faraway places.  Well, Pittsburgh isn't really all that exotic, but my friend there has a source for zany snacks and just sent me a huge box of them for the holidays!  Merry Christmas and Happy Channukah to me!

The first selection I tried from the box was one that came most highly reccommended from my friend: Lay's India's Magic Maslala chips.  They taste somewhat like I imagined they would - like Indian food, but they've got a real kick that I wasn't expecting!  The flavor is more complex than a lot of American styles.  First of all, the potato taste is good, strong, and definitely a better quality than American Lay's.  It's emphasized with a thicker, ridged cut, similar to Ruffles.

The spice on it taste very Indian, and I don't have a cultured enough pallette on Indian food to draw comparisons more than that, unfortunately.  I eat it often, but I just get whatever the special is at my local lunch cart and don't really pay attention to what any of it is called.  I can taste a sweet undertone at first (likely from the 'artificial raisin flavoruring substances' toted on the back of the bag), then the spicy and the salty flavors come in.  It has a slow burn, dying down after the initial shock, then sitting at the back of your tongue for a few minutes.  My nose is even running a little after having a handful of these.

The bag says that they'll make my heart go, 'DHAK DHAK!', but I wouldn't necessarily go that far.  They do make my tongue happy, however, and I'd definitely get these again if I saw them at a market here in town.  Approved!

Purchased in Pittsburgh, PA

Cheetos Giant White Cheddar Jingle Balls

Brand: Frito Lay
Style: Cheetos Giant White Cheddar Jingle Balls
Origin: USA
Type: Cheese Puffs
Flavor: A mild, more bland version of a regular toxic neon-orange cheddar Cheeto
Verdict: Approved, if only for the name


Seasons eatings, my snacktacular friends!  In the spirit of the season, I picked up these guys in an impulse buy, unable to resist eating something called "Jingle Balls."  Yes, I'm perpetually 12 on the inside, it's true.  The sad fact of the matter is, I was actually at the store to purchase one specific item only, yet the magical magnetic forces of the snack aisle reined me in, whispering sweet nothings to me across the store until I decided to peruse the aisle, you know, 'just to look.'  Next thing I know, I've got these things in hand, plus some plain tortilla chips and salsa to warm myself up on these cold winter nights.  My life.


But all of that is neither here nor there, and you're not here to read about my grocery store adventures, you just want to know the results of my snackapades.  Well, first things first, these Jingle Balls look like giant marshmallows, which threw me off initially.  I have this thing  about food that looks one way and tastes another (Pringles being my only exception), so I was a little worried about taking the plunge.  Nevertheless, I swallowed my fears, opened wide, and shoved one in my mouth, as one has to do with these awkwardly-shaped cheese puffs.  I was hoping for something fantastic and amazing to happen in my mouth, but I was rather let down.  Usually I'm a fan of white cheddar flavored things, such as the many varieties of white cheddar popcorn, but this was just bland and uninteresting.  


Honestly, I think Cheetos didn't really think this one through very well.  The thing is, white cheddar is more mild than your run of the mill sharp orange cheddar, so white cheddar flavored snacks need to be either saturated with cheese powder or on a very compelling vehicle to really achieve a good flavor.  These unfortunately, aren't quite cheesy enough for my tastes.  The initial bite is okay, like a mild regular Cheeto, but as you chew, the cheese powder dissolves quickly and you're left with nothing but a film of grease and the taste of mediocre corn puff on your tongue due to the large size of these puffs.


Would I buy these again?  Maybe, because I do like the satisfying feeling of the giant puff melting in my mouth, even if it doesn't taste quite as I'd like it to.  I'd likely purchase the regular flavor though, or the red hot kind, just to get more flavor with that feeling.  Approved, but just barely.


Purchased at Fred Meyer, Portland, OR

Pringles: Restaurant Cravers Cheeseburger

Brand: Pringles
Style: Restaurant Cravers Cheeseburger
Origin: USA
Type: Potato Chips
Flavor: Like a mild BBQ chip, only vaguely cheeseburger-like
Verdict: On the fence.




I can has cheeseburger, but I can also has cheeseburger Pringles! However, I'm pretty sure I'd rather have the real thing (vegetarian, of course). The Restaurant Cravers line of Pringles is one of my favorite new snack lines, but the cheeseburger flavor is definitely my least favorite of the bunch. It's not that they're bad, per se, they're just lacking. With all of the other Cravers flavors, upon the moment of the flavor powder touching my taste buds, I was in snack heaven. These? Not so much.

To start off, the flavor is weak. It tastes like a very mild barbecue chip, instead of an intense flavor like other Pringles. It takes a moment of getting the palate adjusted before you can actually make out some of the individual flavors, such as the grilled meat, the ketchup, and the onions, as opposed to the 7-layer dip flavor where you can instantaneously taste all seven layers.

All in all, I wouldn't buy these, but I'd eat them if they were around. On the fence.

Bonus: Chinese Plum Candy of Doom!

I'm much like a goat, as I've mentioned before, and I'll pretty much eat anything (see Chinese Cherry Blood Clot Candy). I did not finish this candy. God knows I tried, I tried so hard, but I couldn't do it.

The candy itself isn't so bad, it's just a sugary hard candy. The bad part is the salted plum in the middle. As soon I tasted that, I literally started gagging, and let me tell you, there are not a lot of foods that make me gag.  The only foods I can think of that trigger my stomach to go in reverse are cottage cheese, Jones Brussels Sprouts soda, and now this. Fail. So, so hard.

Ho-ho-hiatus!

Hey Snackies!

Well feed me garlic and call me Stinky, people actually read this thing!  I had no idea.  Life got a little full of crazy and a little depleted of snacks last summer and kept on keeping on for awhile.  However, I miss writing this blog, so I'm going to do my best to get back into the snack-eating swing of things.

Also, I believe my snackmaster@ieatsnacks.com email address is working again, so feel free to say hi!

-Snackmaster

Alexia: Crunchy Snacks Onion Strips, Savory Seasoned

Brand: Alexia
Style: Savory Seasoned Onion Strips
Origin: USA
Type: Onion Snacks
Flavor: Very similar to a Bloomin' Onion, but without the stupid name.
Verdict: Approved!





Do you like that delicious, heart-stopping appetizer known as a Bloomin' Onion? I know I do, but I also know that I hate steakhouses, and that's where those are usually served. Lucky for me, Alexia came out with this new product line with the amazing, to-the-point name, Crunchy Snacks. They have several different varieties, but today, I chose the Savory Seasoned Onion Strips. Let me tell you, I made the right choice.

They taste just like a crunchy, take-home version of the real deal. They're like onion petals, and they actual onions inside! (Spanish ones at that. I'm not sure why that's special, but the bag assures me it is.) They're seasoned well - a little spicy, a little peppery, a little salty - just enough to toe the line of overwhelming without crossing it.

Now that I've had these, I'm anxious to try the rest of the line! They had jalapeno onion strips, then several flavors of waffle fries (!!!), including ranch, spicy BBQ, and cheddar. If any of you devoted readers out there in Snackland try these out, let me know how they are, please!

Bonus: Chinese Cherry Blood Clot Candy

I feel nauseous right now. If you'd like to know why, try one of these strange cherry Chinese candies. It looks like a Tearjerker; one of those gumballs with the sour coating on the outside that we used to eat by the pailful as kids, but it's not. It's so, so not.

The outside is actually a medium-sized layer (slightly thinner than a hollow gumball) of barely cherry-flavored, sickly sweet sugar. Okay, a little gross, but I could handle that. However, unlike a gumball, this sucker ain't hollow. No, it's full of actual cherry. Some kind of horrifying, brown, mushy blob that was once a beautiful red cherry. I have no idea what these are or what they're called, as the label is entirely in Chinese, but if a stranger tries to give you one, run far, far away. In fact, run all the way to China and punch the dude that came up with these in the face for me, please!

Onion Strips purchased: Whole Foods, Portland, OR and Chinese candy purchased: Aji Ichiban, NYC