I Eat Easter Snacks!

Brand: Peeps Oreos, Cadbury
Origin: USA
Type: Cookies
Flavor: Really sugary cookies on both accounts
Verdict: Mixed



Welcome to my new channel!!  Please be sure to unsubscribe from QUERD and subscribe to my new channel to get all of my latest videos.  QUERD and I have parted ways.  Please see my first Snack Plate video for more details on that.

More importantly, though, I ATE EASTER SNACKS!  I also got a guest cohost.  Check out the video below to see what I think of the new Cadbury Creme Egg cookies and Peeps flavored Oreos.

Did you try any of this?  Let me know what you think!

Purchased at Fred Meyer, in Portland, OR

Crystal Pepsi

Brand: Pepsi
Style: Crystal Pepsi
Origin: United States
Type: Soda
Flavor: Sugar with a side of sugar and some sugar on top
Verdict: Not approved :/



I was about ten years old when Crystal Pepsi was first introduced.  I remember it very clearly (oooh, pun intended?  I don't even know!): my mom and I were at Castleton Mall in Indianapolis, where I grew up, and in the center of the mall in front of Lazarus, they had a display set up.  Each person was allowed to go up to a special vending machine, push the button, and receive one FREE can of Crystal Pepsi!  It was so awesome!  As you know, any time you get to push a button when you're a kid makes the experience, like, twenty times better than it already was.

I gleefully pushed my button and got to try Crystal Pepsi for the first time.  I LOVED it!  It was sweet and cool and crisp and delicious and I wanted more more more!  My mom limited my amount of treats and had a weird vendetta against Pepsi though (Coca-Cola or die!), so I only got to have it a couple of times before it was discontinued.  Sad times for wee me :(

Great times for adult me, though, because Crystal Pepsi came back!!!  Or is it as good as I remembered...?  Watch the video to see my review!

So...maybe it was better when I was a kid.  However, much like the Swedish Fish Oreos, my sweets-loving sweetheart really loved it still!  They were more than happy to drink the rest of my bottle.  It's all yours, my love.  Yuck!

Purchased at Fred Meyer, Portland, Oregon

Swedish Fish Oreos

Brand: Oreos
Style: Swedish Fish
Origin: United States
Type: Cookies
Flavor: Imagine the worst thing ever, then multiply that times infinity.
Verdict: NOT APPROVED!



Several friends of mine alerted me to the existence of my latest snack: Swedish Fish Oreos.  Now I have to add a little disclaimer here that I'm actually *not* really a fan of the chocolate cookie-style Oreos to begin with, but I knew I still had to hunt a pack of these down and try them.  For science.  And because I kind of like this kind of pain (as you all probably have figured out by now).

Three Fred Meyer stores later, I finally had a pack of these in hand.  Yay!  Here's my video review:

So...as you can see here, I was not a fan of these.  Hilariously enough, however, both my partner and my producer were both REALLY into them!  I just can't comprehend why.  To be fair, my partner said they thought the combination of the chocolate cookie with the Swedish Fish filling was pretty awful, but the filling on its own was good because it just tastes like Swedish Fish puree.  I suppose I can see where they're coming from, but...just...no.

Purchased at Fred Meyer, in Portland, OR

I Eat Snacks: Halfpops - Butter & Pure Ocean Sea Salt

Brand: Halfpops
Style: Butter & Pure Ocean Sea Salt
Origin: United States
Type: Popcorn
Flavor: Boring, salty, and teeth-breakingly crunchy
Verdict: Not approved





Have y'all heard about 365 yet?  It's the new "budget" grocery chain by Whole Foods.  Basically, they stock the shelves with their 365 brand products to provide less-expensive gourmet foods to people.  Supposedly.  I took a trip to the newest one in Lake Oswego, OR (because the rich people that live there, like, *really* need low-price gourmet foods) to see what all the hubbub was about and, of course, to check out the snacks.  I was super underwhelmed!  I got a couple of deals on produce, kind of, but the snack selection was sad as all getout and the prices were comparable to a regular Whole Foods.  Not worth making a special trip, that's for sure!

However, we all know I can't leave a grocery store without purchasing at least one new snack, so I grabbed a bag of Halfpops.  I'd been eyeing these for awhile - they're half-popped popcorn kernels with flavors like butter and sea salt, truffle oil, cheddar, and according to the Halfpops website, some more exciting flavors like dill and BBQ.  The selection was slim at 365, so I just grabbed the butter and sea salt flavor.  Had they had the white cheddar though, I definitely would have gone for that one instead.

These were so-so.  I've had similar half-popped popcorn to this that was, honestly, a little better.  The butter flavor was more oily tasting than buttery, and there was too much sea salt to butter.  They are also incredibly crunchy so if you have sensitive or delicate teeth, definitely pass on these ones!  The other issue I had with these is that they had not just one, but several giant blobs of powder flavoring.  I accidentally ate one (cough, cough, ewwww), then checked the bag and found two more immediately.  Quality control, where you at?!  These are NASTY!  Nobody wants a nickel-sized blob of squishy salt when they are trying to eat a crunchy snack.  Blerrghhh.

EW! Flavor powder chunk o' grossness

Basically, stay away from 365 and from Halfpops, unless maybe you're bored or something?  I don't know.  Not approved :p

TwoFer! Double Coffee Friday! Starbucks Iced Coffee and Califia Farms FullShot

Brand: Starbucks
Style: Unsweetened Iced Coffee
Origin: United States
Type: Coffee beverage
Flavor: Like a really bad Java Monster energy drink
Verdict: Not approved




Back in my youth, when I still had a stomach of steel...ish, I used to drink these really horrible energy drinks called Java Monster something or another.  I liked them because they had more caffeine than coffee and they tasted like weird metallic cookies.  I figured that the metallic taste was due to the fact that it contained dairy and was packaged in a can, and just rolled with it.  Plus, in the summer, I used to work on the Warped Tour sometimes and they would give them out for free, and we all know free is the best flavor, right?

Present day, I use this app called Ibotta to pocket a little extra cash for my vacation fun.  Basically, you buy things listed in the app, scan your receipt, and Ibotta gives you a rebate of anywhere from 25 cents to a couple of dollars, depending on the item.  It's actually really awesome, and if you don't have it, please use my referral link - https://ibotta.com/r/uhyctg - to get it.  We'll both get $5!  I'll be one step closer to all of the glorious snack options available to me on my future Tokyo dream trip, and you'll be $5 closer to whatever your snacky little heart desires <3

Everything will come together soon, I promise!  So, Ibotta had a rebate for a new Starbucks drink that actually comes in an unsweetened flavor, so I went for it!  It was on sale, and I got a dollar back, so the thing was practically free.  It's supposed to be iced coffee (not to be confused with cold brew, where the coffee is actually brewed cold, as opposed to being brewed hot, then cooled), with nothing in it but coffee.  Unfortunately, it actually tastes very similarly to one of those Java Monster energy drinks, despite it not containing milk or sugar and it being packaged in a glass bottle.  I'm not sure if I should be relieved that I wasn't somehow drinking metal particles that would eventually kill me all those summers on Warped, or if I should be more concerned that somehow it's the coffee that tastes this way on its own.  It bears little resemblance to actual coffee, even actual Starbucks coffee on a bad day, which we all know is only a small step away from Kwik-E-Mart mystery coffee-like beverage.  

Did I drink the whole bottle?  Yes, because I am a hopeless slave to the almighty caffeine.  Did I enjoy it?  Not at all.  Do I recommend anyone else drink this?  Hell no, unless you're desperate and can only afford to buy this because it's on sale and Ibotta gives you a dollar back.

BONUS REVIEW!!!!

Brand: Califia Farms
Style: Unsweetened FullShot Cold Brew Coffee
Origin: United States
Type: Coffee beverage
Flavor: First, coconut, then grit and grease
Verdict: Not approved


After the Starbucks Iced Coffee debacle, I should have known better than to attempt another pre-packaged coffee, but I got suckered in, yet again.  This time, I went for a high-end latte-style one: the Califia Farms Unsweetened FullShot Cold Brew Coffee.  This had a few things going for it, which is why I shelled out the ridiculous amount of money it cost:

•  Yuppies are terrible, but usually their snacks aren't
•  It has 6g of protein (pea protein isolate and sprouted brown rice protein; I figured I can always use more protein in my mornings)
• It has 2g of MCT - for those of you not in the know, MCT stands for medium-chain-triglycerides and is supposed to be some kind of miracle brain juice for ultimate focus and alertness...it's also the driving force behind the new "butter coffee" trend, I believe?  I'm obviously only partially in-the-know, but hey, miracle brain juice!
• I looooove Califia Farms unsweetened vanilla almond milk and general use that in my regular coffee at home
• It has coconut milk in addition to the almond milk

So as you can see, I was imagining some kind of yuppie goodness that would be delicious, creamy, and help me focus on work.  Did that actually happen?  Well, I'm technically supposed to be working right now and instead, I'm writing this review, so...you can draw your own conclusion there.  Most importantly though, how did it taste?!  


Not so good, I'm afraid.  Between the coconut cream, protein, and MCT, it didn't really mix up so well and ended up having a very weird oily, gritty texture.  Call me weird, but I'm actually not a huge fan of my coffee being gritty OR oily, so...that's a big no.  Texture issues aside, it still didn't taste awesome.  The coconut is the strongest flavor, even more so than the coffee, which is okay, but not great.  I think if it didn't feel like drinking straight coconut oil, I could probably get into it, but the texture of this one is really hard to get past.  I might not even make it through the whole bottle, and you know that's saying a lot coming from me!

Added note: After drinking this and writing this review, I started to get dizzy spells for the rest of the day.  Just say no to this one!  Sorry Califia Farms, your almond milk is the shit, but this is just shit :(

Burger King Mac 'n' Cheetos and BONUS Chicken Fries!

Brand: Burger King
Style: Mac 'n' Cheetos
Origin: United States
Type: Fast Food
Flavor: A sad, sad letdown :(
Verdict: Not approved





After my last healthy review, I decided to swing the complete opposite direction and get my little paws on some of the new Burger King Mac 'n' Cheetos that everyone's been talking about.  I'd heard generally good reviews about them, and I had a friend that wanted to go try them with me - score!  Since they are full of gluten and other crap I can't really eat, getting a friend to taste them with me meant I could just try a couple of bites without having to eat a whole serving and causing myself endless internal pain.  Yay!

We actually ended up liveblogging our tasting to Facebook, and if I can figure out how to take that video and upload it to Youtube, I will definitely post a link up!  It was so much fun!  However, the actual food itself...not quite so much fun.

First off, the smell was terrible.  It might be because I'm recovering from a cold and my senses are still a little off, but I personally thought it smelled faintly of generic cheese curls and strongly of feet, but not in the good cheese-feet way...just...feet.  They look like weird giant fingers rolled in fish food, and ours arrived slightly burnt, much to my delight and my friend's non-delight.  I thought that the burnt parts gave dimension to what was otherwise a fairly sad flavor.  The insides tasted about as good as that one time I stupidly tried a mac and cheese frozen dinner from the Dollar Tree...more of a cheese-like food product than actual cheese, texture similar to wallpaper paste.  The outside tasted alright, but the Cheetos taste was pretty lackluster.  They really needed to be fried, then rolled in Cheetos powder to really give it that taste we all know and love!  

The texture was somehow simultaneously dry and mushy, which I still can't quite compute, but a happy medium would have been best.  I did like the crunch on the outside, though.  That was probably my favorite part, especially on the slightly burned bits.  However, I'm also the weirdo that loves the burnt parts of a good mac and cheese oven casserole, so naturally I liked those parts best.  All in all, we decided it would be way better to make a good homemade mac 'n' cheese in the oven and crumble your own Cheetos on top.

Also, pro tip - these taste way better dipped in BBQ sauce!

Bonus Review - Burger King Chicken Fries

We also tried the Chicken Fries, because neither of us had eaten them before.  I liked these better than my friend did, although they were also pretty sad.  Chicken Fries, for those of you not in the loop, are essentially very skinny chicken fingers, presumably for people who like breading far more than chicken.  To be honest, if I could eat gluten and soy without facing certain death, I would probably eat the shit out of these, even though they were, quite frankly, completely disgusting.  I think they might put drugs in the breading or something, because even though they were saltier than the Dead Sea and just as dry inside as a desert, I really wanted to keep eating them.  I had to try really hard to only eat my couple of bites, even though they were so salty!  Something about how crispy and seasoned the breading was just really made me want to take another bite.  However, I definitely was one of those kids that was way more into breading than chicken and also, I'm from deep fried country (Indiana), so...it all makes sense, I suppose.  The best part about them, actually, was the box, which had a really cute chicken face on it.

I don't think I'll be returning to Burger King again anytime soon, though.  It was pretty sad.  Afterwards, I was really wishing I had some water with me, I was so thirsty, despite only having taken about seven total bites of all the food combined.  My stomach also hurt for a bit once I got home, but now that I've had a nice dinner of fresh vegetable soup, things are pretty much back to normal.

Country Chips 2fer Special! Kettle Thick+Bold Carolina BBQ and Lay's Southern Biscuits and Gravy

Brand: Lay's
Style: Southern Biscuits and Gravy
Origin: United States
Type: Chips
Flavor: Legit biscuits and gravy!  The new and improved flavor is great!
Verdict: Approved!

Brand: Kettle
Style: Thick + Bold Carolina BBQ
Origin: United States
Type: Chips
Flavor: Beanie weenie.
Verdict: Unsure...they kind of grow on you, but so does a fungus...



My partner and I recently went on a road trip and of course, road trip = snack time!!  No good vacation is complete without some fun new snacks!  We made a pit stop at our usual halfway point between Portland and Seattle (Centralia, WA), and found a couple of country-flavored chips.  My partner was extremely happy to find that their favorite chips from last summer's Lay's flavor contest had made the cut: Southern Biscuits and Gravy - and to boot, they were now being sold in a small bag!  That was a no-brainer for their road snack.  

I had a bit more difficulty finding something to snack on, but I finally settled on the new Kettle Thick + Bold Carolina BBQ chips.  I don't get BBQ too often because I'm kind of picky and it feels a bit, you know...pedestrian for my refined palette, but what the hey, I was on vacation!  I should have listened to my gut and gone with something more adventurous, pun somewhat intended, but that's neither here nor there.

First - you might recall that I didn't care too much for the Lay's Do Us A Flavor options this past summer.  I felt that the flavors I would have liked were wimpy and sad and the others were just not good.  The Biscuits and Gravy, in particular, was a let down because it had a lot of potential and fell very, very flat.  But you may now dry your tears, snackfriends, because Lay's has kicked it up several notches in the new batch!  Just opening the bag smells like fresh biscuits, and each bite offers a peppery punch that makes you feel like you're back at Bob Evans, tossing down a big ol' plate of sausage gravy smothered biscuits.  Thank you, Lay's!

Unfortunately, the Kettle Carolina BBQ didn't fare so well.  At first, well, let's just say "bold" is not the first word that came to my mind.  "Bland," "uninspired," and "odd-in-a-bad-way," perhaps, but definitely not "bold."  

Snackies, do you ever get that feeling where you just know you have a sensory memory tucked waaaay back in one of your brain files, but you just can't quite reach it?  That taste or smell is so, so familiar, but it's from so far back that you just can't quite place it?  That's exactly what I was feeling as I was munching on these in the car.  Finally, I shouted out, "BEANIE WEENIE!" as my partner was in mid-sentence talking about something totally not food-related, which was really rude of me, but that is exactly what these chips taste like!  (For those of you who are not from the midwest or the south where beanie weenie is a thing, it's a kids' camp type food where you slice up hot dogs and mix them with canned baked beans.)  

Perspective is a big thing, so had these chips been marketed as being beanie weenie flavored, I would have been like, "Dang!!! Kettle knows their stuff!!  These taste perfect!"  However, expecting a mature Carolina BBQ and getting cheap camp food left me sad and disappointed in these.  Womp womp.

Purchased at AM/PM in Centralia, WA